I've always found astrology amusing,

a parlor game, nothing more. But sometimes, just sometimes, these stupid horoscopes are so right on it's creepy. Really creepy...

While I glance at the daily one in the newspaper, which is always a total joke, most months I don't check my horoscope but this month I did. My horoscope this month gave me pause - it's like someone has been eavesdropping on my conversations, hiding in my house, sneaking around gathering information and is so bloody specific to what is going on right now, I clicked off the page and just stared at the blank screen.

I didn't read the whole February horoscope, I tend to skip over the romance and work related stuff since neither is a part of my life but the main part - woo-eee. Actually some of it was some common sense advice I hadn't thought about but should have and now am.

Big picture, have to keep my eyes on the big picture - not my best skill, I'm the detail person; I'm the organizer-list maker. Unfortunately my husband is also a detail person - gonna be a bumpy couple of months!

Thank you for your kindness

I've been quiet for some time now, not saying much, here or anywhere else on the interwebz. Messages of caring were posted on my FB wall over the weekend and I didn't see them until Monday because I just wasn't there. I'm not sure how much I will be anywhere for a while.

I've been rather out of it - not ill in a physical way but more in an emotional/psychological way. I've been a worry to the people who have been witness to my discombobulation. Plans are being made that may help prevent more discombobulating in the future and they will probably be revealed here over time. Quite exciting actually but stressful and far from anywhere near instant...months in the making and doing are these plans. But forward we are going. And it's a rather nice direction to be going...It takes so much energy to stay afloat, in one place, going neither forward nor backward; eventually exhaustion sets in and one goes down because there is no up.

But now there is an up and a forward...

Some people believe in angels - I do tho I don't think of them as angels in the religious way but rather entities, spirits and souls - these I know are there. But if you would like to call them angels I have no objection, I'll use your word.

I know a lady who does angel communications, yes, I know you are laughing and to be honest I find some of her pronouncements/philosophy/teachings - howsoever you wish to call them - amusing. Is amusing a good word? At any rate she is a most charming, sincere and delightful lady and sometimes I need to hear what the "angels" have to say because there is always some truth in it. Common sense perhaps, normal wisdom and kind words, perhaps. But sometimes we just need to hear that. Last December I requested an angel reading from this lady - I was feeling antsy and disconnected and...

The reading was very interesting - to me. I wanted to share it with you because round about that time I was having a discussion on-line about hands - and hands show up in the reading. Some of the reading is very complimentary to me - so just skip over those parts because they are bush-wah...total nonsense but some of it is very interesting, not just for me, but for everyone in general. Nothing earth shattering. Common sense mostly, things any good therapist might tell you.

I put the reading into a Google doc format and if you want to read it you can access it HERE. It's runs a bit long, and the formatting bites but if you are curious...

And Jen, the part about the hands is towards the end, you might find that part curious.

Saving Grace -

The only thing that moves me lately is the music. The only things that saves me is the music.

Shoes

The long and the short of it; or rather the tall and the tiny...

Once Again, web surfing background music

It's from Jonathan Livingstone Seagull - a favorite soundtrack of mine. Just click play, and then open a new window/tab. Enjoy the music while you carry on the day's duties..

Just because...

music is essential. Click Play, then open a new tab or window and continue your web surfing accompanied by George Gershwin

I don't like January...

and maybe I don't like February either but I can't tell till I get there. I have no memory of not liking February but my oh my I think I have always not liked January.

January doesn't feel right. It's all ennui and anxiety. All throw everything out including myself. Erase, Erase. Erase!

It seems every January I try to delete myself. Last January I closed my blog Hugz and opened this one. I imported all the posts from the one into the other and then deleted past posts that weren't relevant or were deemed unworthy or boring or too personal or stupid or...I've been blogging since 2005 and my stats show something like 315 posts, if you include the ones I deleted it would be three times that many, at least.

A lot of people think of January as "new year, new beginning", I think of it as "delete, delete, delete" and not for positive reasons. It's not like I want to start something new but more like I want to get rid of what's old - not for any particular reason except that I'm tired of it. January makes me tired.

Maybe it's the hibernation gene left over from pre homo sapien times, we just sleep more and have less energy in the cold winter months; preserving our energies and food stores against hard times and Spring. I don't know.

I am uncomfortable in my own skin. I want to shed it, my identity, my past, with no looking to the future. Which leaves me where? Don't know, never thought about it till I started to write it done just now.

I don't want to be someone else, I just don't want to be me, or be here. And that's not here as in where I physically am, because you all know how much I hate where I live, but just not here. Makes no sense except that it does. If you've ever felt this way. If not, then lucky you and don't trouble yourself with trying to understand. How often do I really make sense anyway?

January is not like September.

September is always filled with hope and joy and New New New! Probably goes back to childhood when September meant a new school year and new clothes (sometimes), new books, pens, pencils. Paper - clean and crisp and blank; ready for new and better stories. September is forward - bigger, better! Not a re-invention but a building on, and up - higher, better!

I like September very much...

But I don't think I like January at all.