Don't call me,

and I probably won't be calling you either. This weekend there was a very distressing incident caused by, among other things, lack of communication and method of communication. My husband was involved in a phone call which was relayed to me but not in it's entirety. I reacted to what I was told. I asked my husband whether he wanted to call the person back or send an email. Or, whether I should be the "bad guy", my usual position when dealing with his family and send an email. He said "send the email". I had him read it, he said "good" and the the storm broke. A phone call would have been waaay better.

I don't do phones. When I was a kid I don't recall every making or getting a phone call. I wouldn't even answer the phone when it rang (and this was pre-answering machine days). Fast forward a bit to high school (1960-1964). The rites of passage for so many girls was the 16th birthday gifts of a nose job and a pink princess phone with their own private telephone number! I didn't need one and didn't want the other, not that there was a snowballs chance in hell that if I did, need or want, I would have gotten. There was actually an informal contest amongst the girls I knew - who could keep me on the phone the longest. I think the winner logged about 5 minutes.

I was phone shy and yet when I was 23 I got a job in a Personnel Department (now called "Human Relations" - a ridiculous term if I ever heard one). I was the Personnel Assistant and spent most of my day - you guessed it - on the phone! Another job I had many years later was doing cold calls. I was very good at both jobs. I was phenomenal on the phone. But still, I was then, and am now, phone shy. I am uncomfortable using a phone. Phone calls make me nervous.

You can imagine how incredibly happy I was to discover email in the early 90's. Yes, a method of communication I could truly embrace and enjoy. The older I get the more and more I revert to my childhood antipathy towards phones. If I need to make an appointment for any kind of service I look for an email address. I don't like to deal with companies that don't have email addresses. I don't want to call them - I want to write to them, explain what I need and when I need it. I like to have their response in writing in my "saved" folder.

I have had a cell phone for a number of years - never once have I ever gone over my allotted minutes - actually I have always had a "family plan" - my husband and I on the same account - he's not much of a phone person either. Right now my cell phone is turned off. The only time I turn it on is when I go out for any length of time - you know just for an emergency, or to track my husband down in a store. I don't know my cell phone number, or my husband's. Nor does he know his or mine. I don't text either, as a matter of fact I had the cell phone company disable the texting feature on my account. None in and none out.

I like email. You are not disturbing anyone, or interrupting something. You can be as brief or voluble as you like; the recipient can read it when they have the time and respond when it is convenient for them. I really don't like bothering people.

There is also the paranoia aspect. You have a record of what was said, tho there is room for misunderstandings because the tone of voice is missing - some things just don't come across as LOL as they would if they were spoken aloud. I can live with that, I'm not a funny writer to start with.

I could live without a phone as long as I had email. I grant you, calling 911 via computer might be difficult, but hey, nothing is perfect. A lot of restaurants actually prefer that you order your take-out via their web site. I'm so good with that. Real good.

So please don't phone me, or feel hurt if I don't phone you. I'm right here at my computer, checking my email, waiting for my in-box to fill up so I can enjoy your company without taking up your time.